Wednesday, 30 December 2009

Last night

I dreamt a quite realistic dream. I was going to Paris to study French. To be honest, I always liked the French language. French music, French cinema, French people and I fell in love with Paris 10.000 times. Still it never occurred to me that I could actually go there and be a part of it.

Today I decided that when I have finished my studies I will go there. Find an apartment, a job and study French for a while. And I will take my band, which I hopefully will have by that time, with me.

Last year I could have done an intern ship in New York. I did not do it because Les Singes was going so well. Unfortunately it did not turn out the way we wanted to.

Anyway, there is no point looking back. However, I have no problem with looking forward. I will finish my studies probably January 2011..and then I can go!


2011..that really sounds to far away. Lets first get used to 2010. If it is possible.

I am going to celebrate this new year's eve on a rooftop of two really nice girls in Amsterdam. I don't know them very well, but every year they seem to throw the best new years eve party of Amsterdam. Bands,music, a lot of prosecco and at 00.00 you can see the whole city exploding with fireworks. I can't wait till tomorrow!

Monday, 28 December 2009

Playing in the snow.
Playing in paint.

Oh no love, youre not alone

Paris Moi

The exhibition, Paris Central, in the Cobra museum is about the magical and creative city Paris in the fifties. In the 1940s and 1950s, Paris was the centre of European art. Famous artists, such as Jean Dubuffet, Jean Fautrier, Hans Hartung, Asger Jorn, Georges Mathieu, Arnulf Rainer, Nicolas de Staël, Antoni Tàpies and Bram van Velde all chose to live in this vivacious and inspiring city.

The exhibition implies that the city never lost this inspiring, creative atmosphere. To be honest, I think Paris is not that avant garde any more. It is still about the glory of the fifties and all that once was.. Of course there are inspiring places like Palais de Tokyo but the creative heart of Europe is somewhere else. Where exactly I do not know. I still have to find out.

Whether this is true or not, this was not what I wanted to write about.

Inspired by the exhibition, Aziz designed a collection of wonderful dresses and suits. Inspired by his collection he made an interesting performance. Models dressed as dolls were dancing on the runway, while a beautiful naked woman was painting with her body. All accompanied by lovely French chansons. As he dressed up the audience, he made us all part of what was happening.

Chacun est un artiste

Friday, 25 December 2009

Merry Christmas!

Een streep

Ik trok een streep;
tot hier,
nooit ga ik verder dan hier.

Toen ik verder ging
trok ik een nieuwe streep,
en nog een streep.

De zon scheen
en overal zag ik mensen,
en iedereen trok een streep
iedereen ging verder.

(Toon Tellegen)


One of the best songs of 2009:

Monday, 21 December 2009



Now I have to go back

before this exhibition is over..

Tim Burton exhibit MOMA

Thursday, 17 December 2009

I am looking for

an interesting internship abroad.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Noah and the Whale - First days of spring

This is one of the most beautiful songs I heard in ages. The music, the lyrics, I love everything about it. It might sound cheesy, but it completely reflects my thoughts at the moment.

Although today is one of the first days of winter haha.

Monday, 14 December 2009

Best poem written by an 8 year old

I wonder why clocks go tick?
And why minutes are so quick?
What makes the hands on it move?
And why does it have a tick tock groove?
I wonder why the sea is blue?
And how come sea cows don’t go moooooooo?
The animals down there are so cool
I wish I had them in my pool.
I wonder why people cut down our pretty trees?
And why my mom makes me eat yucky peas!
You know these are really mean things to do.
I wish Scooby Doo could give me a tricky clue.
I wonder why the night sky is so bright with stars?
And do aleins really live on the planet Mars?
I want to discover this so bad it makes me want to cry!
All these things and a hole lot more make my brain say
I wonder why?

Brandon Ratcliff (the little one of 'me and you and everyone we know')

Today I decided to be happy again

I wasn't happy for a long while because I discovered something I wish I never discovered.

People can erase you from their lives. First I thought that this only happens in movies like The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I was wrong. It happend to me a few times. God it feels awful although I feel much better now.

Back in the days people just never spoke to you again so that was that. Nowadays there is a ritual: first you are no longer facebook friends, then you are no longer part of the myspace top friends. And then they erase all their memories. All the good memories. So only the bad ones will remain.

I have cried enough, been pissed off enough and now it is time to move on.

It is a little cruel of people to say that they are glad that you are no longer part of their lives. that they are relieved and happy to never see you again. and that she is beeing all cute and sad to your friends and family, but laughing behind their back because she is ruiining your life. But its al right, like i said people are just people. And they change. People who you thought were your friends turn out not to be at all.

So today I decided to be happy again, happy to be living in this city and doing the things i do. Happy with my friends, who inspire me. Like Sophie van der Burg, sitting right in front of me in Latei at the moment. She makes lovely stop motion movies, they are not online unfortunately but when they are I will post them.

And this morning I went to the Noordermarkt with Elsbeth and Willem en Laura and I bought a loooott. It was cold. It was nice. I am happy. Yes.


Love is old
Love is new

Sunday, 13 December 2009

There should be more nights like this

A regular houseparty, nothing special or fancy. The music was great, the people were great, ..a birthday party. Yes i really enjoyed myself. There should be more nights like this. Nights with kittens under the bed and ducks in the kitchen and drunk people smashing guitars.

Yes. In another city, yet at the same time, there was another houseparty. Like there were thousands of house parties everywhere. But the special thing of this particular one was that it was thrown by someone who is called Rosie Rainbow. I wish I had a name like that.


Friday, 11 December 2009

Thursday, 10 December 2009

I love her drawings


See more at

our shoes.

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Home again.

Last weekend was the best weekend since a long time. I went to Berlin to visit my sister, I hadn't seen her for two months which is very very long.

My sister Clara

Me feeling like le petit prince at the east side gallery

Berlin is a place where everything is possible. There are so many artists, exhibitions, parties, and above all cafes. We went drinking wine, beer, spätzi's, caffees, apfelschorles in one thousand diffrent places. all so lovely and cosy and rock n roll and wauww (+ we 'met' Daniel Bruhl)


We went to the market at Mauerpark where everybody is selling their hand-made clothes or second hand things and we went to a second hand store of 5 floors! I bought the most horror-ish shoes I have ever seen. They even have skulls on them! I have to compensate my blonde hair somehow..

they look a little like the ones on the right, the second from above.

I really enjoyed walking the whole Karl Marx allee in bad shoes. I really did because we found an old DDR cinema:

I would like to live there one day. Altough this city is much bigger than feels more easy. More easy than any city I have been to, and I have seen a lot of the world! Life is cheap in Berlin, rents are cheap and going out as well. Musicians and artists do not have to get a shitty job to be able to make their art. And if they do, there are plenty of places to get a nice shitty job. I also got the feeling people are less stuck up. There are loads of fashionable people but without the attitude which is disturbing me here so often lately.

Yes I feel better! This is exactly what I needed to finish my studies and continue my search for new musicians. So many people have responded to my call and I am making music with a lot of them. I really am enjoying meeting all those interesting new people although I find it hard to really trust people again. But it will come back I am sure.

For now I am going to read the Millenium trilogy, people who think its an ordinary detective may speak up! And show me a better replacement for the ending of Monk..
The favourite detective serie of me and willem ended last week.


Thursday, 3 December 2009

I'm off to Berlin


Listening to Emily Loizeau

Monday, 30 November 2009

Friday, 27 November 2009


I always feel better when I read this book.


Thursday, 26 November 2009

people are just people

people are just people like you.

that is what Regina Spektor said.
i don't believe it. some people aren't just people. and they do make me nervous. in a bad, bad way. I hate them, i think i never hated anybody this bad. and i can't help it. someone take me out of here.

people are just people
they shouldn't make you nervous
the world is everlasting, it's coming and it's going
if you don't toss your plastic
the street won't be so plastic
and if you kiss somebody then both of you'll get practice
the world is everlasting
put dirtballs in your pocket
put dirtballs in your pocket and take off both your shoes
cause people are just people
people are just people
people are just people like you.

and i don't even smoke or have long hair. (my pencil slipt away)

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

its alright.


this was when my sister still lived in amsterdam. now she lives in berlin. i'm so jealous of her. amsterdam is a boring, tiny place with big intentions. we act like we're a big city, but to be honest it just feels like a little village.


this was half a year ago..maybe longer. we just cut eachothers hair. now my hair is growing and i don't know why. maybe because i want to. maybe because i don't have any money to go to the hairdresser. maybe because our hairdressers's scissors got stolen.

Monday, 23 November 2009


I know she is coming
I know she will look
And that is the longing
And this is the book.

(The Book of Longing by Leonard Cohen).

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Fisherman's music

(Sweden, 2008)

(Sweden, 2008)

Tomorrow, 8pm, Paradiso, Amsterdam. The most incredible fishermans band from the US. In winter they are touring, in summer they are fishing and writing songs:

(Port OBrien, 2009, by Lindsey Byrnes)


despite of all the madness, this really makes me laugh.

Saturday, 21 November 2009


je t'aime
a few weeks ago i went to paris to perform with my (former) band. We had such a lovely time and stayed at the place of the loveliest people in the world. I hope we will be back soon.




I found the best record on a flee market. A spoken version of le petit prince on record.. to bad the record was missing. but i got the cover for free and its hanging above my bed.


Thursday, 19 November 2009

i don't have an apple so i don't have photobooth.

it sucks.


But on my work I have. I'm typing and typing, at least for five hours now. My fingers seem to be used to it.

I am collecting beautiful objects. A pair of shoes. Some glasses. Telephone. Typewriter. They are made from wood and felt. With apparent stitches. Their delicate and finished appearance is friendly. And they are quiet.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

This made my day

I've been studying in the library from 10 am today. We are making an exhibition and I am supposed to arrange the money. As I am the worst economic in the world, its quiet interesting..

Making up excuses on my computer for not starting work, I saw this picture made by a friend. Just then I started loving autumn and its rain.


(made by Sanny van Loon:

Tuesday, 17 November 2009


My band

fell apart. My guitarist quittet and since there was only the two of band fell apart. We had such a wonderfull year. We started in summer 2008 and made a lot of songs. In a year we almost got a record deal, we almost got our album fully recorded, almost almost almost! but we really did a lot of great shows in the Netherlands and above all, in Paris.

Now he left me, he hates me. Without any reason. He changed. From someone who was excited to play his first show at a cafe without anyone but my boyfriend, to someone who didnt feel like playing in a room for 2000 people (as support act for Nouvelle Vague). Its to bad, people who change. But you can't do anything about it than cry, hate it and then leave it to what it was. He is trying to change my memories about our project, but i still know that i had the best time.

So this was one of our last songs we made, a little preview of something that was wonderfull.

And ofcourse, I am going to start a new band. Or try to make my old band work in a very diffrent way. Any guitarists? Drummers? electronists? anyone interested? let me know! (

New blog. New start.

I write about what I love, think, make, feel, see, hate, eat, hear, need. Anything that is irrelevant to anyone who thinks it is.

"What a terrible mistake to let go of something wonderful for something real."
(Miranda July, one of my biggest heroes)